On My Own
by alittlemoremod
Summary: Over the years, Lirael has found herself slowly falling in love with one of her best friends, but has never had the courage to tell him. When she's forced into a terrible situation, will Lirael be able to confront her own feelings and save herself?
1. Prologue: A Sort of Homecoming

Prologue

A Sort of Homecoming

Lirael curtsied as she put the four mugs down on the table and faked as sweet of smile as she could. "The _Green Dragon _thanks you, sirs." The four completely wasted hobbits grinned and raised their tankards to the ceiling in reply. They laughed drunkenly and broke out into another bawdy song as Lirael turned and walked away. She snarled under her breath as yet another drunken farmer accidentally elbowed her in the ribs. He slurred something of an apology and she smiled sweetly and helped him back into his seat.

"Stupid git." She muttered as she went behind the bar and grabbed a washcloth. As she leaned over the bucket, which held the water and rags, she felt something pull out in her back. Lirael gasped and stood up sharply, rubbing her lower back. She knew all this work couldn't be good for her; the hours of serving at the _Green Dragon _were beginning to take their toll. Every time she lay down, she could feel an aching pain at the base of her spine from the mopping, scrubbing, and the carrying of the heavy tankards.

Filpert Hornsblower, the owner of the tavern, came behind the counter to fetch another tankard. He stopped and looked at the pained expression on her face. "Everything alright then, Lirael? You're far too young to be having back pain." She heard him laugh of the noise of the crowded establishment. "Why, only old hobbits like I should be feeling those aches." Lirael blushed and lowered her head. "Sorry, Filpert. I'll get back to work." "What?!" He leaned forward, unable to hear her quiet reply. "I'll get BACK to WORK!" She yelled. He nodded approvingly and walked with two full tankards to a table.

Lirael cursed herself for being caught scrimping her duties. She knew he was only being kind, but it still bothered her. After all, if it was up to her, Lirael knew the _Green Dragon _was one of the last places she'd choose to be. Surrounded by drunk, noisy, old farmers at all hours of the night was not exactly her cup of tea. She laughed to herself as she pulled a rag out of the bucket. Then again, Lirael knew she'd deal with all of this is only _he _was here. A blush rose in Lirael's ivory face as she thought of him. However, as the thought of him warmed her body, it came with a stab of pain as well.

No, she told herself, things would be _far _worse if Lotho was here. The first time she had excused as an accident and the next few times as simply drunkenness, but she knew it wasn't true. Lotho Sackville-Baggins somehow ended up falling or tripping when she came near, resting his hands were he shouldn't in order "to get his balance back." She shivered as she thought of how she could sense the approval in his eyes when she walked past and the weight of his gaze on her back. Yes, when Lotho was around work was far, far worse.

Lirael rubbed her temples and pushed her raven hair out of her face and told herself to focus on her job, but remarked to herself how ironic the whole thing was. She used to look forward to coming to work to spend more time with him and at the same time Lotho watched her every move. No, he and Lotho were nothing alike. She snapped back into reality and mentally scolded herself. Her family needed the money and thinking of him at a time like this would do no good. She walked briskly over to a table in the far corner of the tavern and began to scrub. Over by one of the tables was Rosie Cotton, her loveliness seeming to fill the tavern. Rosie worked there as well, but Lirael never talked to her much. They were far too different.

Lirael laughed as she mentally compared herself with Rosie. In all aspects, they were complete opposites. Where Rosie was friendly and outgoing, Lirael was quiet and shy. Rosie was beautiful, too, in the ideal hobbit sense of the word at least. She was golden with rosy cheeks, achingly blue eyes, and the most perfect blonde curls imaginable. Lirael knew she was none of these.

For as long as she could remember, she has been teased about her looks. It was more than teasing, though. At least people made fun of you to your face, she thought. No, the rumors about Lirael were the sort that were to be whispered and never brought up in polite company, which made them far more painful. While no one had ever mentioned them to her face, she had noticed the side looks and the quiet conversations as that seemed to stop as soon as she came near.

The anger inside of her was stirred and she scrubbed harder at the stains left by the ale. The problem was that she looked nothing like her parents; in fact, like any of the other hobbits. She had ivory skin and dark red lips with high cheekbones, nothing like the freckled, round faces all the other hobbits seemed to have. However, although she would never admit it, Lirael did have a few small freckles over the bridge of her nose that she was quite proud of. Her face was framed by long, raven black hair in which not a curl was to be seen. Also, she didn't have the curvy figures so many of the male hobbits seemed to admire. Lirael was quite thin, thin enough that her collarbones stood out against her shoulders and her shoulder blades could be detected underneath her dress. Lirael had never thought it to be an unhealthy skinny as her parents complained, she simply felt that was the body she had been born with.

But perhaps the thing that most disturbed the majority of the hobbits were her piercing eyes, a swirl of violet and grey, beneath long eyelashes. From the day of her birth, word has quietly spread that perhaps she was a faerie child, something of the elves that lived afar. While nobody really believed this, she was still odd enough that people had never known what to say in her presence. Because of this, Lirael had grown up a very lonely child with only one real friend, until that one fateful day.

Tears sparked up in Lirael's eyes as she thought of her friends and how much she longed for them. No one in the Shire knew of what had become of them, except that Gandalf had been the one to stir up the trouble in the first place. It had been over a year, thirteen months to be precise, since Lirael had seen them. She bit back the tears and stared down at the table, which had been scrubbed clean ages ago. She stopped scrubbing and breathed deeply.

Lirael sighed and happened to glance over at Rosie Cotton. She gasped as she stared at whom she was talking to. _It couldn't be_. Lirael stood up in a daze and began to walk towards them, making sure the yellowed light of the tavern wasn't playing tricks on her eyes. She was stared so intently at the hobbit Rosie was talking to that she accidentally stumbled into a farmer who was carrying a huge pumpkin. She tripped over herself and spun around, knocking two tankards out of someone's hands.

Lirael didn't even look up. She immediately began to apologize and grabbed the fallen tankards. "I'm so sorry. I'm so clumsy. I'll make sure that you get another…" To her surprise, the person standing above her began to laugh. Lirael righted herself with the pints in hand and nearly dropped them again as she saw who it was.

"Surprise?" He offered. Her eyes widened and her eyebrows rose in disbelief. "Merry?" Sure enough, Meriadoc Brandybuck stood in front of her, grinning. "Good to see you, Lir. Have you been good while I'll been away?" Lirael laughed with joy and threw down the tankards on a table. She threw her arms around his neck and he returned the embrace. After a few seconds, she pulled back and looked at him, her face shining with happiness. "It's been an entire _year_, Merry! Where have you been? What have you been.." He interrupted her by laughing. "Honestly, Lir. The story takes hours and quite frankly, as Frodo'll tell you, it's rather dull."

"Frodo? Frodo's back, too?" Merry nodded and pointed to a corner table. "And I trust you've seen Sam chatting up Rosie. Took all the forces of Mordor to him to get the courage, you know." Of course, Lirael had no idea what he was talking about, but she was so blindly happy she made no notice of it. Lirael made a start for Frodo, but Merry stepped in her way. "I'd hold on a sec, Lir. I think there's somebody else to see you first." He looked over her shoulder and she began to turn around, but a hand came over her eyes and she stopped, confused. "What the?" The hands over her eyes guided her back to where she had been standing before.

"Guess who?" With those two words, Lirael stopped breathing. She searched for something to say, but was unable to and just stood, feeling the tickle of his breath at her neck. She _knew _that voice. A tidal wave of emotions that Lirael had been trying, unsuccessfully, to suppress for the past thirteen months, and in fact the past ten years, rushed through her. After a long pause, Lirael whispered, feeling her mouth slowly forming his name. The name of the hobbit she had secretly and deeply loved for as long as she could remember. "_Pippin_."


	2. I: Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses?

Chapter One

Mysterious Ways

10 Years Earlier….

Tears streamed down Lirael's face as ran into her room, slamming the door behind her. She hadn't meant to give Diamond the benefit of seeing her pain, but was unable to hold it back. No, Lirael cursed herself; she had simply run away like a fool to Diamond's delight. She could still hear the laughter of Diamond and her friends ringing in her ears as she had fled. Lirael pulled back the curtains and opened the large window in front of her bed, hoping the beautiful day would help to ease her pain. As she gazed out, eyes still wet, she could see Farmer Maggot's fields to the far right and the Brandywine to her left. She rested her elbows and leaned out the window, taking in the warm sunlight. The gentle breeze stirred her hair and cooled her face as she looked up at the fluffy clouds. She smiled a little and sat down on her bed, thinking about what had happened earlier.

Why did Diamond have to hate her? As far she knew, Lirael had never done anything to offend her. Still, Diamond used every possible chance to torture her, and, of course, her friends always felt the need to join in as well. Diamond was a very pretty hobbit, Lirael knew, but in a cruel way that seemed to have all the young men flocking to her. Personally, Lirael thought Rosie Cotton to be far more beautiful; Rosie was very sweet and had even made attempts to befriend her, but Lirael was far too quiet.

What made Diamond's taunts all the more terrible was that Lirael knew that they were true. She was completely aware that she was awkward and shy; she had never made any attempts to deny it. However, it was the sniggering comments about her looks that broke Lirael's spirit. What was it Diamond always called her? Oh yes, "a lonely little blackbird." Her hands went instinctively to her raven black hair and she brushed it out of her face, sighing. Today, Diamond had made a special point of commenting on Lirael's breasts, or apparent lack there of. She hadn't been terribly offended by this; she felt she was quite proportional, but it was her reply that really had sparked Diamond's hatred.

After Diamond had something or another on the subject, Lirael had replied that it was far better than being top heavy. Her lips twisted into a small smile as she remembered how red Diamond's face had become. It was then, though, that her comments became darker and crueler, crushing her spirit with every word. And, Lirael sighed; she had simply run off like a pathetic idiot.

She stood up and decided to forget about the whole thing by drawing. Lirael tied back her hair with a light blue ribbon and sat down at her desk, facing the window. She searched for a piece of paper and pulled out her favorite quill, dipping it into the ink. Drawing was an escape for Lirael. When she drew, she went to a place where nothing else mattered except her hand and the paper. Because of the many times Lirael had needed to escape the harsh reality of her life, she had steadily improved over the years. As her hand slowly slid the quill along the paper, Lirael breathed in the fresh, warm air and completely forgot about Diamond.

Lirael wasn't sure how long she had been drawing, except that now she out of ink. She shook her head back into her world and walked out into the main room of her small house. Looking around, she was happy to find her parents weren't home. Lirael did love her parents, but sometimes she wondered if they truly felt the same. Beneath their actions she could often detect disappointment, as if the way she had turned out was her own fault. There was also a sense of embarrassment about Lirael, her parents had never said anything to confirm this, but Lirael knew that deep down they were unhappy and embarrassed by her painful shyness and strange features. No, the only person who could come close to even grasping at who Lirael truly was Frodo Baggins, her only friend.

She gently opened the door to her father's crowded study and began searching high and low for more ink, pushing aside papers and opening drawers as she did so. Frodo and Lirael had naturally gravitated towards each other, both being quiet and very intelligent. She felt no feelings towards him other than that of friendship, as his uncle had first suspected, but felt happiest when she was with him. Lirael was very quiet, but became much more easygoing as she felt more comfortable. In fact, as Frodo often remarked, she had a very quick wit about her and was quite funny when she wanted to be. Frodo was a Baggins, which meant he had the dark hair and pale skin that was so uncommon in the Shire. Perhaps, she often wondered, that was another reason for their friendship, both of them looked quite different from all what seemed like everyone else.

Lirael found the ink in the lowest right hand drawer and walked back to her room with it, humming quietly to herself. She opened the door and abruptly stopped, nearly spilling the ink. "What the hell?" In her room were two hobbits about her age, both of them male. They were talking frantically to each but immediately stopped and spun around to look at her. She blinked, making sure her eyes were not messed up somehow from her sketches.

The three of them stared in silence at each other, looking each other over, unsure of who should speak first. Lirael recognized them in a distant sort of way, not knowing their names or even their reputations. However, considering they had somehow broken into her room, she could only guess. They both appeared to be about her age, perhaps a little older. One had dirty blond hair that was a tad bit longer than what was considered acceptable, but Lirael thought it suited him. He had smiling green eyes and a nose that was a little on the large side, but all in all he was fairly good-looking. His companion was a little taller than was common, but not by much. He had light brown, curly hair that stopped just above his shoulders. He had a look about him, she decided, but was unable to put her finger on quite what it was. Then, their eyes accidentally met and Lirael found herself gazing into the most beautiful eyes she could ever recall seeing.

Lirael was the sort who always noticed others' eyes first. She felt that you could truly tell who a person was by looking into their eyes. At first, she thought they were a dark hazel, but then he had shifted and the light had made them look blue. They gave off a look of mischievousness, she finally decided after they both awkwardly looked away.

As they stood in silence, unsure of what to say to each other, Lirael noticed something else. She blinked and asked after a long moment, "Why are there vegetables on my bed?" On top of her blanket was a variety of carrots, lettuce, and potatoes, all of them looking very fresh. She gaze the intruders a look over once more and noticed that their feet were slightly muddy and leaving dirt on her normally spotless floor.

"Ummm," the shorter one began to explain, but he stopped as someone in the distance yelled something unintelligible. Lirael stuck her head out the window and seeing nothing out of the ordinary, decided it had come from the direction of Farmer Maggot's crops. And, as the furious cries grew louder and louder, she figured it was Farmer Maggot after all. She turned back to the two hobbits, who shifted uncomfortably. "I'll get you, you scoundrels! I swear I'll!…" Yes, it was most definitely Farmer Maggot, and he was definitely getting closer every second.

"Listen," the blonde hobbit spoke urgently. "If we could just disappear for a few minutes?" He held out his hands and smiled cheesily. Lirael looked back out the window and was able to make out the shape of Farmer Maggot breaking through the last row of corn. She looked back at the hobbits, then back at Farmer Maggot once more, and groaned. "Get under the bed!" She shoved them towards her neatly made bed, looking over her shoulder to see if Farmer Maggot was close enough to see the commotion in her room through the open window.

They both dove under, but Lirael grabbed the taller one's arm. "Vegetables! Grab the vegetables!" She hissed urgently and he jumped up, grabbed the pile of assorted vegetables off the top blanket and scrambled under once more. "Why am I doing this?" Lirael groaned and quickly sat at her desk with her ink and quill, attempting to look as though nothing was out of the normal whatsoever.

Sure enough, a few seconds later Farmer Maggot came up to the window, doubled over and gasping for breath. Lirael looked up and asked calmly, "Is everything alright, Farmer Maggot?" He sucked in one last breath and looked up at her with a red face. "Sorry to be disturbin' you, Miss Lirael. But you see those two ruffians' ave' been at me crops again." Lirael raised her eyebrows in mock surprise. "Is that so?" "Aye," He wiped his sweaty brow with his hand and leaned against the side of the house. "They've taken off again with half me' vegetables! You haven't seen them about, ave' you?"

She smiled sweetly and shook her head. "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I haven't seen anything out of the normal today. I've just been drawing." She indicated her sketch and he nodded and peered into her room, his eyebrows slowly rising. "Really now?" He said suspiciously. Trying to remain calm, Lirael glanced haphazardly over her shoulder, and saw that the hobbit had left the carrots on her bed. Lirael swore, but quickly covered it with a cough and smiled as sweetly as she could at the now very suspicious Farmer Maggot.

"May I ask why you've got carrots on your bed, then?" Lirael thought quickly and replied politely. "Mother just brought them in from the garden this morning and asked me to clean them, but," She inserted an embarrassed laugh, "I got a little distracted, it being such a lovely day and all." She glanced over her shoulder once more. "Would you like some? I'm sure Mother wouldn't mind at all."

He blushed furiously. "No, um, not all, Miss Lirael. I just thought that maybe you had…that…um…never mind then. You sure you haven't seen Merry Brandybuck and Pippin whats-his-name about?" He asked hopefully. Lirael adopted a look of surprise and put her hand over her mouth. "Oh, I do hope you don't think that I associate with those type, Farmer Maggot." He smiled at her. "Course not, dearie'. You're a good lass, you are. Sorry, but I've got to be off, then." She smiled and waved as he took off in the direction of the market, cursing.

Once he was properly out of sight, she dropped the smile as though it was painful and called, "You can come out now." She heard their sighs of relief as they crawled out and she sighed as well. She massaged her eyes and laughed nervously. "That was _brilliant_." She turned around, hearing the genuine admiration in one of their voices. Now that Farmer Maggot had mentioned their names, she had remembered the one with the nose was Merry Brandybuck and the other was Pippin Took.

Merry had spoken and Pippin was still climbing out from under her bed. Pippin clutched a handful of papers in his hand and sat down on the bed, examining them. He looked up at her. "These are really good. What's this one then? A blackbird? Or is it a raven? You know, I've never actually been able to tell them apart." He held up a sketch that Lirael had made a year ago; her absolute favorite. However, he had discovered her secret stash of drawings that she had intended for no one to ever see. She had never told anyone how much she loved drawing, even her parents had no idea, and Lirael had never wanted _anyone_ to know. "Gimme those!" She snatched them out of Pippin's hands and placed them on her desk, facedown, of course.

His eyes widened in surprise and the corners of his mouths twitched as if he was trying to hold back laughter; Lirael glared. "No really, how did you come up with that? That was _fantastic_!" Merry repeated. She shrugged as if it was no bother at all, but she was actually quite pleased with herself. Lirael had always secretly prided herself on being able to lie well, especially under pressure. She was not a chronic, dangerous sort of liar, but she was quite good at being able to work her way out of certain 'situations'.

Merry continued laughing. "Seriously, I thought we were done for. I mean, Pippin left the _carrots _in plain view!" He shot Pippin a look, who grinned as well. They both turned to look at her and she struggled not to smile as well; something about them was infectious. "So let me get this straight?" Lirael tilted her head towards them. "I'm going to guess that you stole some of Farmer Maggot's crops?" "Right so far." Pippin quipped and Lirael nodded.

"Anyway, he caught you and started chasing you, which you probably should have been expecting." She continued, "So, having absolutely no plan of escape whatsoever, you just sprinted out of his fields and happened to come across an open window, which lead to an empty room." She twirled a strand of her hair thoughtfully and smirked. "So you figured you should just hop in and hide." "Very good." Merry smirked back at her. "Yes, you certainly do appear to have the mind of a 'ruffian,' as Farmer Maggot would say." Pippin said sternly and seeing the mock serious expression on his face, Lirael was unable to hold back from laughing, but only just a little.

Her beautiful but rare laughter instantly filled the room with its gentle peals. She smiled a little and looked at them once more, both now sitting down on her bed. "Why were you stealing Farmer Maggot's vegetables anyway? Now offense, but you two don't look skinny enough to be starving." She raised an eyebrow and looked them over once more. Merry and Pippin turned to look at each other and Merry shrugged. "It's something to do." Pippin remarked calmly. "A challenge, if you will." Merry finished.

Lirael rolled her eyes and untied the ribbon from her hair as it spilled over her pale shoulders. "Well, I think you know us by now from that very fine introduction by Farmer Maggot. Merry Brandybuck." Merry inclined his head and Pippin continued. "Peregrin Took, by you can call me Pippin." He then gave a fake bow and Lirael laughed once more. "And who might you be?"

Her smile faded a little and she looked down. "Lirael Fayewright." "Oh!" Pippin's face lit with recognition. "You're the one that everyone says is," Merry elbowed him in the ribs and glared. "I'm that one that everyone says is…?" Lirael crossed her arms and calmly repeated the sentence with a hint of challenge in her voice. Underneath her calm exterior, however, Lirael was crushed. All she needed to do was speak her name and everyone instantly knew who and 'what' she was thought to be. Merry laughed nervously. "What he means to say is that you're the one who talks to Frodo a lot, right?" Lirael nodded coolly. "Well, if that's asking if he's my friend, then the answer's yes." By now, Pippin had realized his mistake and stared apologetically at the floor.

There was another awkward pause and Lirael and Merry began speaking at the same time, then stopped and waited for the other to begin again. "Yeah, sooo, um, my parents are going to be home soon and I don't think they'd be terribly happy to find two guys in my room." She finished. "Right!" Merry said and began to grab all the vegetables in his arms and Pippin picked up a few carrots. "Do you want some, then?" Pippin held out a cabbage but she shook her head. "I'm fine, thanks."

Arms full of stolen crops, they walked over to her window and they looked at each other. "I could show you the door if you wanted?" Lirael offered after a moment and Pippin grinned. "No thanks, the window's far more adventurous." They both began to climb out, but Merry stopped and asked, "So, maybe we'll see you around sometime, Lirael? You really were fantastic." Lirael shrugged. "I don't know, maybe?" There was one last awkward pause and Merry broke it by climbing out of the window. As they eased themselves onto the ground, Pippin glanced over his shoulder at her and they met each other's eyes once more. This time, Lirael did not look away and detected a sort of curiosity in his eyes as he looked at her. As soon as it had begun, however, Pippin looked away and the two hobbits broke off into a jog and vanished into the distance.

Lirael sat back down at her desk and put her head in her hands, laughing quietly to herself. Surprisingly, they had both seemed quite unbothered after she had introduced herself, something nobody ever was. In fact, it seemed as if they didn't care at all. She brushed her off her shoulders and smiled. Merry had asked her if they would see her again; as if they were friends. Very kind of him to offer, but there was _no_ way she would ever actually spend time with those fools, funny as they were. She snorted and picked up her quill and began to draw once more.


	3. II: Beautiful Day

Chapter Two

Beautiful Day

11 Months Earlier…

Frodo lay on his back looking up at the clouds lazily floating in the sky. He sighed as he shifted in order to as comfortable as possible on the stony ground. His lower back ached from carrying basically everything he needed to survive and the seemingly endless walking also did not help. He laughed quietly to himself as he thought of how far away Mordor was yet, that is, if the Fellowship was even able to make it through the Plains before they arrived at Caradhras. 40 days till the base of the mountain and they had left Rivendell, he quickly calculated in his head, 21 ago. Nineteen more days till the next stage of their seemingly impossible quest.

He stared up at the sky once more and tried to ignore the enormity of the situation that lay before him. Frodo focused on the hazy outlines of a particularly large cloud and said, to himself more than anyone, "You know, clouds really aren't white." "What was that, Frodo?" Aragorn asked and looked over at the young hobbit. "Hmm?" Frodo turned his head and snapped back into reality. "What's this about clouds not being white? Tell me that all the walking hasn't begun to affect your mind!" Boromir laughed as he sat down next to Aragorn and took a sip from the pouch at his side.

"Oh, it's just something my friend told me." Frodo explained. "If you really look at the clouds, they're not white. They're basically every color you can think of. Red, green, everything." Boromir broke into laughter and flipped his long hair out of his face. "This truly is going to be the death of the hobbits! They're seeing colors in the clouds!" Frodo felt slightly embarrassed as Boromir grinned at Aragorn, however, Aragorn did not return it. Instead, he solemnly and silently looked up at the sky. Boromir looked at Frodo then flickered back to Aragorn once more and tilted his head to the sky with a look of confusion.

After a few long moments, Aragorn turned to Frodo with a small smile on his face. "This is a wise friend you have. All see the sky, but very few truly see what the sky _is_. Tell me, were you told this by one of the elven?" Boromir rolled his eyes and walked away, muttering under his breath about crazy halflings. By now, the rest of the Fellowship was settling down for a break and Frodo's conversation was no longer totally private, not that he really cared. Gimli and Legolas were pointing at the horizon and arguing, Gandalf was talking to himself, Sam was searching through his pack for food, and Merry and Pippin were grinning about something.

Frodo smiled after he quickly processed Aragorn's comment. "No, no, I didn't learn it in Rivendell. My friend draws quite often and she mentioned it once. She's always noticed things no else quite has. I'm afraid I've never quite been able to look at the sky the same way since." At the mention of 'she', Aragorn slowly raised an eyebrow. Much to Frodo's embarrassment, Merry and Pippin also overheard. "Who's this then, Frodo?" Merry grinned. "Yes, I do hope you haven't been keeping any secrets from us." Pippin added.

Frodo rolled his eyes and dryly said, "It's Lirael." "Oh." Merry and Pippin lost interest immediately. "Lirael Whatshername?" Gandalf walked over and Frodo tried not to groan. His passing comment about clouds looked as though it was going to turn into an interrogation about his friend who just happened to be a girl and himself. Over the years, everyone at one time or another had thought there was something between him and Lirael, but when asked they both would reply no furiously. Besides, he knew, she cared for someone else. Someone who did not feel the same.

"Skinny, black hair, pale?" Gandalf inquired and Frodo turned to him and nodded. Gandalf looked off into space for a moment then replied. "She's an interesting one, Lirael is." Aragorn tilted his head and Gandalf further explained. "Terribly quiet, but one of the quickest minds in the Shire. Bit of a mischievous streak, I should say. You wouldn't be able to tell at all, though. Very nice." Gandalf pulled a pipe out from his pocket and lit it. "Friends with Merry and Peregrin, isn't that so?" He called in their general direction.

"What?" Merry opened one eye as he rested. "You're friends with Lirael Fayewright, are you not?" He asked again and Merry nodded. "Yeah, Liri's great." Pippin added. "Why?" "We were just talking about her." Frodo explained and there was an awkward silence as nobody knew what to say. "You know, anywhere other than the Shire and she would be considered beautiful." Gandalf said calmly after a long moment. Then, everyone's attention was captured. Frodo even saw Boromir glance in their direction while he was polishing his sword.

"Well, I've always thought she was pretty. Nobody else really does, though. And she knows that." Frodo said quietly and then quickly added, "But we're just friends." Gandalf slowly inhaled from his pipe and everyone sort of waited for him to speak. "I wouldn't be surprised if there's a bit of Numerian in her, Aragorn. She has the black hair, the cheekbones, and goodness is she thin!" He laughed to himself. "However, the poor girl's been teased mercilessly about how she looks. Everyone else in the Shire has those curls and what have you. A shame, really."

He turned to Merry and Pippin abruptly. "Is she with anyone?" They both looked very surprised at this question and Frodo was as well. It seemed as though Gandalf was purposely bringing up Lirael's rare beauty, but why would he do that? Frodo knew Lotho had always bothered her, but Gandalf? Merry said after a second, "No, she's not. Why?" He asked cautiously and Gandalf blew a smoke ring into the wind. "One of you should think about her." He inclined his head towards the very confused Merry and Pippin. "YOU!" He abruptly pointed at Pippin, who flinched and took half a step backwards. "You really should think about her. I mean, she is a bit out of your league, but who knows? Maybe she'd have a weak moment and say yes." He then stood up and walked over to separate Legolas and Gimli for at least the fourth time that day.

Frodo, Merry and Pippin once again fell into an awkward silence as they tried to sort out just what Gandalf had been suggesting and why exactly he had been suggesting it in the first place. Silently, they all just sort of walked away to whatever they had been doing before the whole conversation had started, but each wondering what interest Gandalf had in Lirael Fayewright.


	4. III: Bad

Chapter Three

Bad

"_Pippin_." Lirael whispered, eyes closed as his hands gently rested against her cheekbones. "Good job, Lir. I knew you'd remember me after all!" He teased her, not yet taking his hands away from her eyes. As she felt his cool breath on the side of her neck, she wondered for a terrible moment if he could feel her trembling, everything rushing through her and freezing her at once. Lirael knew as he spoke that his eyes were glittering with that mischievous look that had so often rendered her speechless; his smile starting in the corners of his mouth as he would try to resist a grin, but was always unable to. Did he have any idea, she wondered as time seemed to stop in that one, utterly heartbreaking moment, did he know how he had crushed her? Had he any clue?

Lirael was unwillingly snapped back into reality as Pippin suddenly withdrew his hands from her brow and whirled her around. Their eyes met and Lirael felt her throat tighten as she looked into the eyes that had always captivated her, even from the beginning. He was different, she immediately noticed as she briefly scanned his face. Not in a physical way, since their last parting he did not appear to have acquired any scars or something of that sort. Pippin was _older_, somehow. Something in his eyes gave away that he had changed, perhaps he was not quite the same hobbit she had longed for.

He grinned and immediately all of Lirael's worries melted away. "Goodness, Lir, if it was possible I'd say you're even skinnier!" Before she could respond he wrapped his arms around her. Her head rested in the groove between his neck and shoulder as he pulled her to him. Lirael breathed him in, his hair brushing the sides of her face, and in that instant wanted nothing more than to simply stay in his arms. But, the moment couldn't last. Pippin comment rang in her ears and in fact it was true. She had lost weight, too much. She knew it was pathetic, but some days she had just felt so _tired _that it did not seem worth getting out of bed. The week after she had heard the news about Bree, she had not eaten a single thing. After that, Lirael had simply got gone without eating now and then; it had seemed that there was no real reason to.

With the thoughts of the past thirteen months slowly flooding her mind, Lirael felt the emotions of ecstasy and relief give way to anger. Abruptly, Lirael ended the embrace and pulled back locking eyes with Pippin Took. As he grinned at her, she was unable to suppress her feelings any longer and gave in to them fully. "Lir, I." Pippin began, but Lirael slapped him across the face, eyes blazing. She heard Merry gasp and Pippin staggered back, clutching his face and looking at her as if she was crazy. Lirael didn't blame him. In a way, she knew it was true.

By now, everyone in the _Green Dragon _was staring but Lirael had stopped caring about what people thought of her long ago. She felt Merry touch her shoulder but without turning around she strode forward and swallowed hard, her head spinning. After a long second, she whispered hoarsely, "Where have you been?" She locked eyes with him and stood, shaking. Her nails cut into the flesh of her palm, no doubt drawing blood and pain that Lirael was currently oblivious to.

There was a long moment as she shook her head and said one last time, eyes blinking back the tears she had tried so desperately to block up for the past 13 months. "Where have you been?" "Lirael." She heard Frodo's voice for the first time say behind her; he surely had seen the scene she had caused along with the rest of the _Green Dragon_. She laughed quietly to herself, without any particular reason, and brushed the loose strands of hair away from her face. Lirael turned around to see a weary looking Frodo standing next to Merry. They stared in silence for a second, simply taking each other in.

For a brief instant, Frodo wondered if perhaps what had happened to Lirael over the past year was worse than what they all had gone through. After all, he had always had Sam and Merry and Pippin always found a way back to each other. Yes, he thought to himself as he saw the deep sadness in Lirael's eyes, she had been alone all this time. Completely and utterly alone, abandoned by the only friends she had in the world.

Pippin stepped forward and gently touched her shoulder, pushing her hair away from her shoulder as he did so. "We should leave." Lirael didn't turn around, she simply looked down and shook her head, "They told me you were dead, you know." She laughed without humor and both Merry and Frodo saw the deep loneliness etched into her face. "Lirael." Pippin said quietly and she looked over her shoulder out of shock. This was the first time she could ever remember him calling her by her true name. For as long as she had known him, it had always been 'Lir,' or sometimes, 'Liri.' In fact, she had often wondered if he remembered what her given name _was_.

"Don't you want to talk to Diamond, first?" She said, unable to keep the bitterness out of her voice. There was no pause in his reply. "She can wait." He was closer to her now; she could sense his breath on the nape of her neck where he had brushed the hair off. As she turned, she was struck by how deadly serious he looked. All the mirth was gone from his face; he simply looked at her with those captivating eyes, focused on nothing but her. And then Lirael crumbled.

She choked on her tears and closed her eyes in an attempt to hold back the tears that coursed down her face. Merry wrapped his arms protectively around her and held her against him as her small frame gently shook. He felt a great wave of sadness wash over him as he felt the bones in Lirael's back dig into his hands. She had hurt herself, both physically and mentally since they had been gone, he realized. Lirael was hurting and in a way he was responsible.

They stood for a minute longer and Merry mouthed to Frodo, "You stay." Frodo looked as though he was about to object, but nodded after a second. He knew that ever since Lirael had met Merry and Pippin, she had slowly leaned more towards them over the years. He wasn't angry or even jealous, in fact he was happy for her. They were simply what Lirael needed. So, Frodo stepped back and stood next to Sam, who fidgeted awkwardly, not being very close to Lirael. He nodded at Merry, who gently nudged Lirael in the direction of the door, Pippin walking next to them.

They left in silence, the inhabitants of the _Green Dragon _watching in curiosity. Merry led her out into the cool silence of the night, a stark contrast to the hot and noisy tavern. The three of them walked silently down to the Brandywine a short distance away, the moonlight brilliantly reflecting off the calm water. They stopped once they were aware from the busy marketplace and away from any houses, on the side of a grassy hill.

Lirael shivered a little in Merry's arms and he gently kissed the side of her head as she looked up at him with her wide eyes. "They said you were dead. They said that you were responsible for the Black Riders showing up and that they had killed you in Bree." Lirael looked away and began to shake, her voice rushed. Merry pulled her even closer to him, closing his eyes as her voice cracked. "They said they weren't sure, there were _so _many bodies in the _Prancing Pony_. Everyone there was unrecognizable, they were so…mangled. They said they weren't sure but thought they were able to identify Fro..," Lirael suddenly pulled herself away from Merry, her face a ghostly white. The descriptions of the bodies in the _Prancing Pony_, the descriptions of what she had been told where her friends raced through her mind and she calmly walked a few feet away and vomited in a bush.

After a long, silent moment Lirael brushed the loose strands of hair back from her face. This certainly was not the way she would have wanted to see Pippin again. For the past year, she gone through every minute that she could remember of them together, each second filling her with both love and pain. Not a day had gone by, perhaps, not even an hour that she did not think of him. Each day the guilt was renewed, the idea that her one stupid lie had killed her friends. She laughed quietly, what a great first impression she must be making, she was sobbing and vomiting and had actually _hit _Pippin.

Lirael walked back and sat down on the ground, gazing out at the Brandywine. "One of them asked me, you know. It asked if had ever heard of a Baggins, but I lied and said they lived off in Bree. I didn't want whatever it was near Frodo, so I lied and said he was in Bree. It was the most terrible thing I've ever experienced. I thought it knew I was lying; but then I heard the next day all four of the Black Riders had gone to Bree." "You lied to it?" Merry asked in wonder and Lirael turned to him and nodded. "Yes, why?" "_Nobody_ lies to a Black Rider. But, you probably gave us the time we needed to escape." Merry said quietly. Lirael continued, "The next day everyone had heard there was a massacre at the Prancing Pony. Apparently, the Black Riders were angered and had killed everyone there except the innkeeper. That was the last place anyone had seen you, and everything was so…_mangled _the constables just assumed you were there. So, the day after I lied everyone said you all had been killed. I thought I was the reason you all were dead. I thought you all were here in the Shire and Frodo _was_ actually at Bree. I thought I led them straight to you."

She looked at them, eyes filled with the unnecessary guilt. Pippin sat down beside her and pulled her to him as she silently cried once more. He smiled gently and stroked her hair, "Liri, Liri, chances are you saved us. You don't know how incredibly brave you were. Those Black Riders are…not what you think." His voice grew very serious, as if he was remembering some dark memory. "I've seen entire _armies _fall just at the sight of them. You lied to something very old and very…evil." Lirael felt him tremble and he wrapped his arms around her even tighter. "Frodo was running from them. If you had told them that he really did live in the Shire, they probably would have caught him." Pippin tilted up her face to look at him as he explained. Merry laughed and she looked over at him, "Lirael, I think with that lie you may have saved Middle Earth."

Lirael tear stricken face turned to one of confusion as she processed what he had just said. She sat up straighter and looked at him, "What?" Merry grinned. "You may have saved us all." She flipped her hair off of her shoulder and squinted slightly. "Explain, please." So, for the next two hours, Lirael sat in complete silence and listened to the story of how Frodo Baggins saved Middle Earth.

At times, Lirael opened her mouth to protest or question something, but realized that whole thing was so far fetched that she might as well not ask. At times, Merry and Pippin would begin to talk at the same times or there would be lapses where they both looked as though they never wanted to speak of the matter again. If their story was true, Lirael realized once they were finished, her friends had indeed saved the world. But it couldn't be true, for gods' sake _she _was a better swordsman than the lot of them combined the last time she had checked.

There was a long pause as Lirael searched for something to say, anything to say. She opened her mouth, then closed it again and rubbed her face in her hands. Merry and Pippin watched her in silence. "So…. you mean to tell me that all this," She waved her arm, "is because of Bilbo's _ring_. I mean, I've seen it before and it's not that fantastic. If anything, it's rather tacky. Not exactly the sort of the thing that belongs to a Dark Lord and could enslave all of Middle Earth." Lirael questioned. "And Gandalf _died _after fighting a dark spirit in the underground mines of the dwarves, but somehow didn't? Is this _really_ the best you can come up with as an excuse?! Please!" Lirael snapped.

Merry and Pippin looked at each for a second, then laughed. "We figured you'd say that." Merry smiled. "Honestly, that's the truth. I mean, look at Merry's forehead. Compliments of Grishnak." Pippin said quietly, shuddering at the mention of whoever this Grishnak person was. Lirael blinked as Merry pulled back a lock of hair from his forehead, revealing a white scar. Pippin also fished in his pocket and held out a ring in his hand, motioning for Lirael to look at it. She recoiled. "Nooo way. You tell me horror stories about some ring and then expect to pluck up another one. Ha!"

Pippin grinned, his eyes smiling. "I swear it's safe. Look, the white tree of Gondor's on it. I got it from Denethor, the steward of Gondor, after I…volunteered, sort of." He shrugged and Lirael gently took it out of his hand, her fingers brushing his own. Lirael felt her stomach muscles tighten, but if Pippin had noticed he made no note of it. She gazed intently at it and sure enough, the white tree was there, surrounded by seven stars. And with Merry's scar….Lirael groaned. In all honest, their tale seemed like the only one that could explain what had happened over the past year.

Lirael closed her eyes and sighed, dropping the ring back into Pippin's hand. "I know I'm a total fool for falling for this, but I dare say I think you might be telling the truth." The next thing she knew, both Merry and Pippin grabbed her and she squealed in surprise. Merry ruffled her hair, which he always did because he knew how greatly it annoyed her, and she laughed and slapped his hand away. As they laughed at the sheer ridiculousness of what had happened and the bliss of finally being back home, Lirael didn't think she had ever been so happy. Her heart swelled with joy and she was unable to stop grinning.

She looked over at Pippin and shyly looked down, only partially attempting to hide her smile. "Sorry I hit you." He smirked a little. "Nah, I've been deserving that for years. Now we're finally even for all the times you ended up being burnt or bruised." She lay down on the grass and looked up at the stars, taking in each point of light in the dark sky. "You really are an idiot for getting into that mess, you know. I told you shouldn't raid Farmer Maggot crops that day, you know." The corners of her lips twitched and she brushed her hair off her shoulders so it lay gracefully around her head.

They sat in silence for moment, and then Merry sat up. "Oh great, I should be at home right now. Actually, I should have been home hours ago, my sister's going to be furious. Will you two be alright?" "We're fine. Go ahead, Merry." Pippin laughed and Merry stood up and began to walk briskly in the direction of his home. He stopped and looked over his shoulder, "I really have missed you a lot, Lir." Lirael smiled and whispered, "Me, too." He waved and continued walking home.

Pippin and Lirael laid next to each other in silence, very close but not quite touching, Lirael noted. Pippin obviously must think of her as a very good friend to be so close to her, but she knew that was all he thought of her. They were friends and could not be anything more. She sighed and Pippin turned to her, the moonlight falling against his cheekbone and lighting up his eyes. She stopped breathing and looked at him, reminded of that one moment all those years ago when she had first realized she loved him.

He smiled, "We should get you home. It's really late." Lirael nodded, still unable to form words. He was so lovely, she thought to herself and blushed. Luckily, he didn't notice. Pippin slowly eased himself off the ground and held out a hand. "Miss?" She snorted and put her delicate hand in his and stood up.

They began to walk back to her house, Pippin asking her specifics about how life had progressed in the Shire without him. He laughed as she told him Farmer Maggot was a lot happier and how dull the Green Dragon was without him and Merry drinking too much. They did not discuss anything of real significance; it was as though neither of them were sure of what quite to say or how to say it. Just before they had quite reached her small house, Pippin stopped and looked at her. "How have you been, Lir?" He looked at her with his beautiful eyes, so full of genuine concern, and she looked away. She knew he meant more than simply 'good' or 'bad'; Pippin truly cared about how she had gotten on without her friends. Lirael wondered if she should lie, to stick her original plan of acting nonchalant when, _if_ she saw Pippin again. While her mind screamed at her to play it cool, she instead followed what her heart told her and looked back at him.

"It's been hard. It's been really, really hard." She whispered as the breeze gently teased her hair. She swallowed hard; she couldn't cry _again_, not here not now. She coughed and turned away, eyes filling up as she gazed at the sleeping Shire. However, she was unable to bear her loneliness any longer. Lirael turned to him and hugged him and to her utter joy he returned the embrace. "I'd thought I'd lost you, Pip." She choked and she heard him swallow as well. He gently ran his hand against the back of her head and replied, "I've missed you so much, Lir. You've no idea." They stood like that for a long time, the breeze stirring their hair so that it seemed to melt together, his curly locks and her raven tresses.

"I need to get back. My parent's are going to lynch me, you know." Lirael broke the embrace. It was simply too much for her heart to handle all at once. This whole evening seemed as though her emotions had been tested more than then the rest of her whole life combined. Pippin smiled distantly, "Your parents still hate me, I assume?" They walked to the front door of Lirael's house and she turned to him on her doorstep and laughed quietly. "Of course! They blame you for 'corrupting' me, you know. Some things will never change, no matter what world you save." She looked at him and smiled. "Nite', Pippin."

He smiled back. "Goodnight, Lir." She reached for the doorknob but before she could turn it, he pulled her to him one more time. All the breath left her lungs as he kissed the side of her head. He had _never _done that before. "I've missed my best friend and partner in crime." He grinned at her and she quickly shut the door behind her. Leaning against it, she closed her eyes and slid to the floor. Everything was _perfect_, almost the way she had always secretly dreamed of. And then, it had to be ruined by his last words. _My best friend. _The words rang through Lirael's head as she lowered her face into her hands. It was all so grossly unfair, she had him _back_**. **For a year she had longed for him every day, every hour and he had gone out and saved the world for pity's sake! She got up and walked to her room, silently shutting the door so as not to wake her parents.

She undressed into her shift and lay on the bed, staring out of her window into the cool night. How unfair it was, she thought and curled up into a ball on top of her blankets, Pippin's last words still ringing through her mind. He still thought of her only as a friend, as a fellow conspirator. Lirael sighed and closed her eyes. Everything had changed, yet at the same time nothing had. A single tear slid down her pale face as she gave into sleep.


End file.
